Writing Santa

Santa's Job At The Mall

If The World Really Were Politically Correct

A Politically Correct Christmas Story



'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.





Copyright; Author Unknown

Happy Holidays

Its winter again! Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, even “Sparkle Season”, the time of year with love, joy, and giving has finally arrived. That’s the true meaning of the holiday. Christmas derived from a pagan holiday where landowning men would take part in orgies, drink, and beat their wives. 2,000 years later, and the only differences are that the dominant religious holiday celebrates the birth of their savior who is presumed as being white when he derived from Jerusalem and the new festive grounds to display barbaric behavior is the mall. I have no problem with the holidays, just get the facts straight, and practice what you preach. Have a Merry Christmas Season that begun with the annual trampling of the elderly on Black Friday.

It may sound crude, but try working at the mall at Christmas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph1itfEuzIw

Entrapment

So, I’m driving to class today, and a cop pulls out behind me and begins tailgating me, most likely waiting for me to screw up so he could pull me over and fill his quota since it’s the last day of the month. This seriously makes me ask myself this question yet again… Shouldn’t that be considered entrapment, and who would take the responsibility if I were stop suddenly for a pedestrian, or rip up the emergency break. It’s not like this kind of stuff is not common. The boondocks nail it. The cops will get someone to snitch by threatening to arrest them, won’t put them on any type of witness protection, allow the person to get beat up or even killed, and then arrest them for withholding information when the victim doesn’t tell them who jumped them. Again, I’m not saying that all cops are bad, but stereotypes are put in place for a reason.

A Nigga Moment

What causes more deaths to the African American race than cigarette companies? The answer is “Nigga Moments”, and is apparently is one of the major causes of causalities, second only to pork-chops and F.E.M.A. And even more shocking, the Nike Company may be to blame. If genocide was their intent, then they’ve finally lived up to the meaning of their name. This blog still doesn’t make sense? Watch the video.

Textin Pt. 2

As you all know by reading my blog “Textin” that I believe that it is a technology for ignorant people that doesn’t plug into anything because ignorant people who use it have nothing to print. This idea was only strengthened by reading “Rule of Thumbs: Love in the Age of Texting”. Texting in my opinion has a lot in common with Myspace. It is the new “booty call”. Having said that there’s not much in it to bulid a relationship off of. Of course it could have its benefits: telling the person that you have feelings for that you have feelings for them without the fear of studdering, or sending random suggestive texts as a form of foreplay until you see them later on. But an entire relationship built off of texting, where the person can constantly revise what they text or let their friends tell them what to say? That’s just rediculous to me. Like somebody texting “will u marry me?”. I would be tempted to just text them a porno and say, “Sure, here’s your honeymoon”.

Without a gun and a badge, what do you got?

So, I’ve had a lot of trouble with the police growing up. Not that I caused problems… Well, not that they knew about, but I was young and appeared to be an easy target to harass or fill that “quota” that they swear they don’t have, or something like that. Unfortunately for them at that time my employer, and more importantly friend, was a very important figure in the community that not only the cops but also even judges and DA’s wouldn’t cross. If that wasn’t enough, I had an extensive knowledge in law as well as a family member as the police chief, who was some of their bosses. Needless to say, half of the department that I humiliated in court after I got a ticket for basically running a green light lost their jobs about a year later for something “completely unrelated.” Then about a year later two cops who had been harassing me and trying to pin robbery and possession of illegal firearms on me in previous years lost their jobs quite abruptly. Riley faced a similar problem in the episode “Thank You For Not Snitching.” Can you snitch on the police to the police? & no, I'm saying that all cops are bad, I know of quite a few good ones, but there are corrupt ones too.

Gangstas Pt. 2

To continue the blog “Gangstas”, what really happens when a rapper gets shot publically? Apparently, nothing at all happens, or at least not for the next 20 minutes. Really, somebody should really do something in these instances. According to Heuy we should all go to college so that we don’t end up like gangstalicious.

The Annoyance Of Words

The most annoying word to me is “whatever”, I always sounds to me that the person saying it doesn’t want to hear it, won’t listen to it, are not up for discussion about it, and most annoying, they don’t care about it. In fact, that is exactly what hearing “whatever” makes me do. It makes me not care about the person, or what irritated or offended them. Other than that my feelings on words rest with George Carlin’s feelings on the 7 bad words. “399993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large”. Really, it is quite a ratio. But is it the words that offend us or the hurtful feelings associated with them. In other words, there is no such thing as a bad dog. Dogs are raised to be bad dogs, and it’s the same way with words in my opinion.

Gangstas

WARNING: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual gay-ass rappers is coincidental. Seriously, we’re not talking about anybody at all. The rapper you think we’re talking about, we’re not talking about him. In fact, as far as we know, no rapper in the history of rap music has ever kissed another man or fondled another man’s goodies. Dictated. Not read. The management.

Gangstalicious… Adjective, noun, verb… I think it’s a pronoun: as in fake ass gangsta. So in the Boondocks, Riley is the typical 8 year old who thinks that the rap-culture… Rap culture? Does that logically exist? Anyhoo, rap-culture is the most “ballin” thing ever and is a way of life. So of course, there has to be made up rappers that happen to resemble 90% of “thugs or hustler-rappers today” And just like the famous boondocks rapper, Gangstalicious, the majority of rappers today are 0% thugs and 95% hustler. Whereas if anyone ever took a human sexuality class, they would know that a hustler is a noun, and is a person, usually male, who sells themselves to the same sex for money? This is more commonly, a gay prostitute. This is exactly how the creators of the Boondocks portray these teen-idols. Ganstalicious is a rapper/ thug that got shot during his live performance song, “I got shot”, and then drops his gun whenever the guy who shot him tried to finish the job at the hospital. Later the audience finds out that the reason for the hit on him was because he broke the dude’s heart. Seriously, does this remind anyone of any modern day rappers that are not straight, are not hard core thugs that never stepped foot into a ghetto, or can’t create original/ clever lyrics that are meaningful?

The "N-word"

During the episode “The Garden Party”… Wow! I use that a lot, I really like that episode. Anyhoo, during the episode “The Garden Party” Uncle Ruckus decides to sing a completely racist song to all of the guests in an attempt to make the Freeman family sound untrustworthy because they were black. At the end of the horribly choreographed song, a white chick breaks the silence “I think the N-word’s o.k. as long as they say it”. Thus the point I’m trying to make. Is it o.k. to use the “N-word” Although I fully admit to having absolutely no black heritage, I also admit that I use the word. As Gin Rummy explained, I used the term to describe an ignorant motherfucka, which can be anyone of any race. Where my opinion really stands, just because you donated to Collin Powell, doesn’t mean you’re not racist, and just because you’re black doesn’t mean that you’re the only person who can use the word in sentence. Really…? If you’re going to use that argument, whose Bobby Seal and Huey Newton? And yes, it was initially a good thing. A person’s freedom of speech is something I really think should be exercised. However, use some common courtesy. If it’s really offending the vast majority and it’s pissing off people who normally wouldn’t care because you’re offending other people, shut-up and don’t be a dick! (Seriously, if I offend anyone, let me know. It is not my intent.)

Dear Santa, You A Bitch-Ass Nigga

When I was growing up, the majority of my friends was mixtures of different races, and was different races from me. Although this never bothered me, & I knew that everybody was the same, I had to notice that there was a black and a white Santa. Although this normally wouldn’t have bothered me, I also noticed that the “black Santa” was a broke-ass stingy son of a bitch who never gave any of my black or interracial friends as much as the white Santa gave to me and all of the other white kids. Therefore I completely understand where Riley is coming from. Santa, you a bitch-ass nigga, & you gonna pay what you owe!

Characteristics Of A Criminal

Everyone has seen this infamous picture during the introduction of the Boondocks television series. But here’s the question… What crimes do you think each character most likely to be arrested & convicted for? Feel free to use minor characters, or extreme background stories. Humor is always appreciated.

Please, Call Me Bitches

Everybody has seen, or can at least reference to the show “Pimp My Ride” In fact, most everybody has. Even the Boondocks have. During the Boondocks Pimp My Ride episode, Rile convinces Granddad to pretend that he is blind in order to get Xibit to pimp out his ride, which he calls Dorothy. When Robert Freeman first hears of this proposition, the first thing he said was “I hope they fix my transmission”. This brings to light a very important question. Why? Why would somebody decide to put $30,000 worth of parts and merchandise into a ride that isn’t worth much over $1500? Throughout every “Pimp My Ride” episode that I have Watched, I have never seen a new engine, or transmission being put into these old rust-buckets. It’s nice that MTV, or whoever it is, is hooking these so-called “worthy” people up with all this new stuff, but really? Do they not realize that under that $3000 paint job and thousands of dollars worth of stuff, is just the same piece of junk that is not going to last any longer than it would before. Not only that, but what neighborhoods do these cars come from? Obviously not nice or rich ones, but instead come from nicer hoods, which are probably only a few blocks from the not so nice hood. Therefore that nice new “pimped-out ride” is just going to get jacked and all of that nice stuff will be ripped out and pawned off. If it did not really work out for Granddad Bitches Freeman, then it probably does not work out for the other “winners” either.

Key To A White Man’s Heart

As previously shown in the all famous blog, “things White People Like”, White people like cheese among many other things. However, for today’s purposes, cheese is going to be the most important. Just like one can win an argument with someone who is ADHD by throwing a shiny object, It is presumed by Robert Freeman before he is invited to the garden party that he can change a white man’s mood for the good with something as simple as cheese. This may sound as stupid as cheese con queso (cheese on cheese), but it sells. I am not as naïve to overlook the fact everything has its exceptions, however I admit that since I put cheese on everything, even cheese, then it’s a good possibility that there would be an effect in my mood if I were given some cheddar! "You give the meanest white man a piece of cheese and he turn into Mr. Rogers"

Stupidity's To Blame

Is it just me, or does it seem like America keeps getting increasingly dumber? All the while the blame of this stupidity is being pushed onto the government with the claim that they are trying to keep its citizens dumb in order to remain an elite power. Although this logically makes complete sense, there also seems to be some major flaws in this theory. First off, this may piss a lot of people off, but the fact of the matter is any person who says, “Do you have blacks, too?” --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, or “I'm thrilled to be here in the bread basket of America because it gives me a chance to remind our fellow citizens that we have an advantage here in America - we can feed ourselves.” and then says “I stand by all the misstatements that I've made,” is a dumb son of a bitch! And if that person was the center person in power in the United Stated Government, than chances are the government is not the center of cause of this problem. What would make sense would be if the rich, and or corporations took the blame. Although the rich do make the vast majority of those in the government, it is not strictly the government! If you want proof of this, vote for the guy whose campaign consists of one radio commercial and works in a blue-collar job in a factory. As Mr. Wuncler Sr., the man who owns the bank that owns Robert Freeman’s house said, after Riley shot his grandson out of a window with a SPAS-12 shotgun at a Garden party, “In thirty years, that boy [his grandson] will be President of the United States... and he'll still be a fucking idiot.” Case in point, it is the rich or the elite upper class that keep the American people stupid, not its government.

Random Awesome Game

Fire Escape

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Bluetooths

Not only do cell phone companies have the pleasure of ripping off every American by selling them a piece of crap phone that hardly ever gets any service, that comes with an insurance policy which seems as though it has absolutely no coverage, and that breaks after only a few months for a ridiculous price, but they also have the pleasure of putting the most annoying items into the hands of thousands of people around us. As if the stupid ring tones was not enough, but now the cell phone companies introduced the blue tooth headsets into every day life. So I ask myself, what kind of jobs require a blue tooth type device in every day life? The answer is simple. Some secretaries may require a headset in order to talk on the phone to a customer while using their hands to type. Military type jobs may require a device such as this so that they can use their hands hold a gun and to keep themselves from getting shot. The only other cases where a ear piece is convenient is if would be if the person using it is talking on the phone more than twelve hours a day. This crowd includes drug dealers and the gossiping teenagers that annoyed the rest of the population while we were growing up. The point I am trying to make here is this: Unless you are a drug dealer, or have a job that requires the carrying of a gun, you do not need a blue tooth. The only people who wear blue tooths are those who want to look important, or worse, those who actually think they are that important. Chances are if your job does not have somebody’s life on the line, or you don’t make $250,000 + a year, than your not that important. And even more so, you probably look like an idiot by wearing one. As Gin Rummy says, “There’s a reason why people hold a phone to their head Ed, It lets people around you know your talkin on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to you until you’ve finished. Which you indicate by putting that mother fucker away”.

The Reason For Boondocks

I am a very politically oriented person, and have strong opinions on many topics and issues. However, I am not one to push my beliefs onto other people, nor am I single minded to the point where I cannot see both sides of an argument or point out the flaws in either of them either. The view points attract me to the show, not so much the comics, although I do read them in the Sunday paper occasionally are that the world is run by the rich, and the poor get tramped on, and that stereo types no matter what are put in place for a reason. Other than that, the Boondocks really is not that much of a political show. If anything, it is just politically incorrect. I strongly believe that anybody should be able to make fun out of anybody, and most importantly that everyone is able to make fun of themselves, and their flaws.

I will be sure to highlight specific episodes, and possibly even summarize parts of them. And although the boondocks is animated and is a cartoon, it is not considered as an anime, and really does not have a whole lot in common with Dragon Ball-Z.

The Stupidist Fuckin Thing

Hello again. First off, I will say that white people are haters too! Take a good look at Gin Rummy and Ed Wuncler. Gin Rummy openly displays his hatred toward texting to Ed in the "lets nab Oprah" episode. Gin explains that texting is nigga technology, which he defines as: "Useless, pointless technology invented for the apparent purpose of prolonging a simple task beyond the length of time it should take. Nigga Technology is always used by a nigga, nigga meaning ignorant muthafucka." To be quite honest, it irritates the hell out of me whenever certain texting scenarios unfold. Such as your sitting at a red light and the person in front of you is looking down and obviously texting long after the light turned green, or your in a group at the mall or a party, and everybody is texting! It's like you just worked all week, and finally when you have free time to chill with your friends, you decide to talk to somebody else instead. What sense does that make? Not only that, but people, or more accurately parents spend thousands of dollars to send their kids to college, and after a night of getting drunk and partying, those who do show up to class are not paying attention to the lecture. What are they doing you may ask? You guessed it! There texting about the night before. And since Gin Rummy explains that "anybody from any race can be a ignorant mothafucka." Therefore white people are haters too.If you don't believe me, watch this video.

Better Than Cards & Alcohol

As I previously mentioned The Boondocks always seems to brighten my day. No character is able to achieve this better than Gin Rummy. Gin Rummy is the typical white gangsta who would be the only white guy in a all black group. Not only is he rich, or at least has more money than a normal gangsta would, which allows him to obtain guns and other cool stuff, but he is crazier than the rest, and since he is white he gets away with it. This is a perfect illustration of the world today, and how it is run.

Brightening My Day

Anytime that I'm having a bad day, there's always one show that can make me smile. So I figured what better to blog about. The show is called "The Boondocks". "The Boondocks" is an extremely politically incorrect cartoon about a poor black (ghetto) family whose grandfather spends all of his money to move into a rich white neighborhood. This family, the Freeman family consists of a single grandfather (Robert Freeman) who is like most parents, and is completely irresponsible, and has no control of his grand kids. Robert Freeman's grand kids are Huey and Riley Freeman. Riley is the typical "Gangsta" teenager with criminally active friends, and Huey Freeman, who is a political black rights activist. Although I was not a fan of the comics, the show really makes up for it. I really don't know how I initially became a fan of the "Boondocks", but this politically incorrect show that I have grown to love, and that seems to always put me into a better mood.